Dearest,

I realise, when I surf the web and click on links, how much I expect things to remain unchanging for always. But websites come and go, bloggers decide to wipe out archives and start anew, something that is here today is often gone tomorrow.

It aggravates me, this sense that I can't rely on anything to be there anymore the moment I turn my back on it.

Tonight I visited Yean, my favouritest and closest cousin, who has just gotten her A-levels results. Not surprisingly, she's scored straight As and will be going to Scotland in September to pursue her degree in Medicine. Jin doesn't call Yean and Grace "the genius cousins" for nothing ;)

This year, every time I've visited Yean, I've done so with the knowledge that she would be gone by the year's end. I can't imagine her not being here. I can't imagine not being able to watch her tell her stories. She's one of the people in my life who consistently tells me she loves me; I already don't have enough of those kinds of people around...

Maybe the reason I want to get married so much is partly because I know you won't go away. After all, "till death do us part" -- thus readeth the vows. Other people will go away, but you won't. And if there is any changing to be done, we'll change together. You're not going to go off and do your changing all by yourself and leave me behind. At least, I hope not.

I always dreamt that Yean would be one of the bridesmaids at our wedding. Now I don't know. Well, first of all I don't know if I will ever be married (ie. if you and I will ever meet -- am obviously not as confidently positive as I used to be). But she's going to be overseas for a good many years, and, well, I just don't know.

I wish you were here; it would be comforting to have you beside me as I say goodbye to her, and know that there is at least one person in my life who will never go away, no matter what happens. Yeah, I know I have God, but I need somebody with skin!!!