Dearest,

You know this age gap thing... Jin once asked me whether I'd consider a younger man, and I told him it's not the biological age that matters, it's the emotional and spiritual maturity that counts. And I still believe that — but for a lady to be 20 years older than her partner? It just doesn't gel somehow.

That's what happened in the movie Something's Gotta Give. Keanu Reeve's character, Dr Julian Mercer, is instantly attracted to Erica Barry (Diane Keaton); he's a cardiologist and she's a successful (divorced) playwright.

But Keaton starts falling for this aging Lothario, Harry Sanborn (Jack Nicholson), who never dates anyone over 30. Harry finds himself reluctantly fascinated by her but is in denial; they spend a night in bed together, then he leaves. She acts like it's ok but of course cries buckets once he's gone.

Fast forward about six months, and Harry comes looking for Erica, but she's gone to Paris for her birthday — and, unknown to Harry, she's now with Julian, who has been persistently pursuing her right from the start. Harry gatecrashes, they invite him to join them for dinner, he leaves early, and then Erica comes to meet him alone: "When Julian saw us together, he knew I was still in love with you," or something to that effect.

The weirdest thing was that I hated the ending. Really hated it. It was all wrong. I would have preferred Erica to stay with Julian. Never mind that he's 20 years older than she is and probably more infatuated than "in love"; he's honest in his feelings for her and takes care of her (yes, my old-fashionedness is showing). I cannot understand why she would still want Mr Harry "Blow Hot-and-Cold" Sanborn. What has he ever done for her except to give her a good time between the sheets for a single night?!

It really grates that she chose the one who treated her like... like a cheap lay over the one who actually has been there for her all this while. I know I'm probably being hard on Nicholson's character — after all, nobody has life all figured out, and all of us need grace as well as innumerable second chances — but I feel strongly about men needing to act like, well, like a man.

A man needs to respect women and treat them with consideration; he needs to take responsibility for his own actions, and conduct himself with honour. (Right, my old-fashionedness is showing again. When was the last time you heard anyone talk about 'honour'?!) I guess it comes right down to emotional and spiritual maturity all over again. So perhaps I was right when I told Jin it's not the biological age that matters. There are so many more important considerations in a relationship than that of the supposed age gap.

Dearest,

Browsing in MPH Bookstore the other day, I spotted a book: How To Write A Love Letter That Works.

I confess I was both amused and appalled. "A love letter that works"? What is that supposed to mean?! It sounds vaguely manipulative, which might be borne out by one reader's review on Amazon.com:

I had tried for close to two years to convince Sandy to marry me. We had a great time together, but she had lingering doubts. One of my college roommates, who was well aware of my situtation (since it was all I talked about) bought me this book — I think as a joke... I did not copy any of the well-written letters, but it helped me to express MY OWN feelings in a way I could not otherwise have done. The letter I wrote — which I titled "I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy" — worked. Last month, Sandy and I were married in St. Barts.

At least he didn't copy any of the prepared letters. I can't decide whether it was good that he was suddenly able to express his feelings coherently so as to allay her doubts, or whether it was bad because the book enabled him to use a single letter to manipulate her emotions and get her to finally say yes.

Then I found a website, Love Letters Now!, that boasts the tagline, "Instantly send love letters without writing a single word!" Now, THIS one horrified me. How can a love letter be from the sender if he didn't write a single word of it?

In this result-driven, goal-oriented world, even love and romance has been reduced to a performance, a mechanical thing. We must write a love letter that "works". It has become so important to do things "the right way" that spontaneity is lost and we no longer know how to just be ourselves. Does a love letter have to "work"? I always thought the point of writing a love letter was simply to convey love...