Dearest,

Penang was great, managed to catch up with lots of old friends at the wedding. It was like an informal reunion of our college Christian Fellowship :)

The wedding itself was beautiful; I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Not just because Mel's my friend, but also because... well, I was there right from the start when Eng Jee first started seeing Mel, and it's made me feel very personally involved in the whole thing. I'm not sure why, since I really had nothing to do with any of it. But the moment I knew Eng Jee and Mel were getting married, I was determined to go — come hell or high water!

Perhaps it's just that I see so many relationships that don't work out. To have been able to watch one grow from a tiny bud into a beautiful bloom and be sealed by the covenant of marriage is so incredibly special. Also, knowing that the path of relationships is not all sweetness & light, I was glad that both of them stuck it through and have arrived at the place where they are today. I don't think it's been easy, but they did it and I'm so proud of them.

You know, at another friend's wedding two years ago, I watched the groom & bride say their vows and marvelled at how sure they must be in order to make that lifelong commitment to each other. But watching Eng Jee & Mel standing at the altar, I got the bigger picture. Like I said, I've seen their relationship grow and blossom from the start, and I finally realised: it's not that they're sure of the other or even sure of themselves. Their surety is in God.

And I saw how God had a hand in it all, how He's carried them through all the rough times they might have had — the doubts, the questions, the adjusting and compromising and learning how to love each other. It's only by the grace of God that they are together today. He's the one constant thread woven through the fabric of their lives, and He's going to be the thread that weaves them together in marriage.

So when I watched Eng Jee and Mel in the church, what I saw was God's overwhelming grace upon their lives. I was just so in awe of Him and the way He works, how He sustains us, strengthens us and guides us. He's so amazing!

Dearest,

Valentine's Day just passed. You know, it's funny coz people say the day has become so commercialised and what-not, yet I think most girls still do secretly hope for their loved ones to make some special gesture of love on that day. I know I would, if you were here.

It doesn't necessarily have to be a grand gesture, just something to say, "I'm thinking of you and I love you," something to show appreciation or affirmation.

This year, my friend Sarah invited me to join her & a few of her friends on a moonlight picnic in Putrajaya, the nation's new administrative capital. I thought it sounded interesting, so I went.

We spread a mat on the grass, lit candles, slipped a Josh Groban CD into the player, drank sparkling grape juice, ate pizza and munched potato chips, and talked about anything and everything, laughing a lot. It was possibly the most enjoyable Valentine's Day I've had in all my 25 years. I skipped a family dinner for it and have no regrets.

The family do was supposed to be on Sunday night but was suddenly brought forward; when I weighed the two outings I decided I didn't want to spend Valentine's being a dutiful niece and getting largely ignored in the adult conversation swirling around a table of uncles & aunts. Felt a little guilty, especially when Mom took an express bus into town on the spur of the moment... but I caught up with her the next day, had a little chat. I figure I got the best of both worlds in the end :)

After that Valentine's experience, I can safely say that I don't crave the grand gestures. I'd rather you think up something different and creative (like this moonlit picnic) instead of just following what society dictates as the norm -- a candlelit dinner in a vastly overpriced restaurant, or a bouquet of frail flowers. It's more fun that way, and much more meaningful. Not to mention probably cheaper! :P

Dearest,

To think I ever believed newborns were purple, scrunched up, and unprepossessing.

Bob's wife, Elaine, gave birth to a baby girl on Tuesday, in the wee hours of the morning (3:36am, to be exact). She's simply beautiful. I visited Elaine and the little one twice before mother and daughter went back to Teluk Intan for Elaine's confinement.

The thing is, due to financial constraints, Bob and Elaine will have to leave the little one in the care of Elaine's parents after the confinement, until they can afford to either hire a babysitter or survive on Bob's income alone. I can only imagine the wrench of leaving their tiny baby daughter in a town three hours' drive away.

Suddenly it's dawning on me how incredibly naive I've been. It's all very easy to say I'd want to stay at home with the kids if I could, but now I'm realising exactly what that would involve. It would mean you'd have to be fairly established, hold a stable job with a reasonably good income. It would mean I'd have to be thrifty and wise in my spending (ugh -- I'm working on this!). There's so much to take into account. It's not as easy as saying, "I want to be a homemaker."

I think Mom and Dad were the ones who made it seem natural for the wife to stay at home. I don't recall lacking for anything, although I know my parents have always been thrifty and prudent in spending. We've never really had money worries, or maybe we did and Dad just never confided in any of us. But, whatever it is, we pulled through and we've managed somehow.

I still believe it would be best for me to stay at home with the kids, especially when they're younger. I'd like to be there for them to run to with the funny little questions children think of, to be there to watch them grow up and teach them about God's love. I want to instill godly values in them when they are young, to train them in the way they should go so that when they are old, they will not depart from it.

But it's not going to be easy; just the thought of the financial commitment alone staggers me -- the awesome responsibility you'd have to bear for the whole family. Besides, I'm not sure I could sit at home with the kids all day and not go stir-crazy... ;)

Dearest,

Saturday night I went for a barbeque organised by the young Christian graduates group I'm a member of. After eating, we played our version of "getting to know you": each person had to take a turn answering questions thrown at him/her by anyone in the group. To save time, the "gamemaster" limited the number of questions each person had to answer.

One of the questions I was asked had to do with the qualities I'm looking for in a mate. (Why is this not surprising? *grin*) Among others, I said, "He has to be good in English" or something to that effect. You do notice that I don't articulate very well when I am put on the spot ;)

Of course there was a general outcry and lots of incredulous exclamations. But I said, hey, that's important because, you know, that's the way I communicate!

The truth of this was brought home to me the following night when I happened to describe someone as "belligerent". A friend turned to me, asking, "What is 'belligerent'?" and I had to explain. Just imagine if I had to explain to you what I meant all the time... I couldn't stand it!

I notice that when I'm with people whom I judge to be, err, not-so-proficient in English, I simplify my language. I explain things in terms that are easy to understand, and I don't use 'bombastic' words. In fact, a lot of times I purposely break rules of grammar, tailoring my speech patterns to theirs.

But when I'm myself I use words like "belligerent" and "ambivalent" in ordinary conversation. They just come naturally to my lips, without any forethought. If I'm to be myself with you, you have to be able to understand what I'm talking about. That simply makes sense. I think we'd probably have fun trying to "out-bombast" each other!!!