New Dad
Dad was so sweet. He texted me yesterday, something to the effect of, "Congratulations on your second day at the new job! How's it been so far?"
I looked at the message and wondered, "How did he know I was working this weekend? I didn't tell anyone in the family about this temp job wor."
Then I realised... he thought I was starting my new job on May 16 instead of June 16!! So I called him and told him I haven't started yet, but that I have been working this weekend. hehehe.
This is the second time he's surprised me. On the morning of my first exam paper, he texted me to wish me success in my exams. I was so touched -- he's never done anything like that before!! He's not the expressive one in the family; Mom is. In fact, she's so expressive that, well, sometimes I don't know how to handle it. I'm not as openly emotional as she is.
As you can see... Dad has changed, so much. Probably this is one of the factors that has enabled me to finally believe that I am loved, and to feel loved, deep inside. You think you don't need it, these kind of gestures, because you understand that your father just isn't the kind of person to do these kind of things; but when he finally does them, you realise how much you've missed them and secretly longed for them, only you never allowed yourself to express that longing, because you thought it was silly to long for things which cannot be. Then along comes God and shows you that sometimes the impossible is possible.
Although I'm turning 30 this year and no longer seek Dad's approval of my choices and the things I do or the person I am, I realised that it does actually make a difference. Him telling me that he is on my side and has been all along, even during the times when he seemed to be disapproving, has meant such a lot to me. It's great to feel as if there is someone standing behind me, backing me up, rooting for me. I remember I used to feel as if I never had anyone to cheer me on, because other friends' parents were so openly supportive of their endeavours and my parents either didn't bother or tended to pour cold water on my hopes & dreams. Now suddenly I have parents who are there for me, and I don't feel like I am so alone anymore.
The really interesting thing is that this happened after I ceased wanting to be "rescued", which happened sometime towards the end of last year. If not, I wonder if this would have been such a healing thing... maybe I would have grabbed onto my changed Dad with all the neediness in my heart and transferred my expectations of being 'rescued' to him, since now he's now more openly taking on the role of a caring, involved father. And that might have led to new bruises instead of to healing.
God is definitely amazing... knowing what we need and when we need it. (Although I still think that He could be a little faster sometimes!)