Saying "Thank You"
2005 was the year for weddings. About 15 of my friends got married in that year alone.
2007, on the other hand, seems to have been a very fruitful one in matters of ze heart. A number of my friends have entered into relationships this year after a period of waiting and looking. I've given up being jealous because then I just might end up permanently jealous, and jealousy can make you do stupid things -- I already do enough stupid things without any extra motivation. But I still tell my friends I'm jealous just to needle them. (Me is eeeeeevil!)
Turning 29 was great, none of the "oh my God I'm still single" wailing and moaning that has accompanied my birthdays in previous years. It feels like I'm finally coming into my own; I'm happy with who I am. Sure, there are certain things I would change if I could, but I don't beat myself up over them anymore, and that's got to be an improvement.
My foremost feeling when I look back upon my life and when I think about God these days is gratitude. There is so much to thank God for. I'm bowled over by His faithfulness to me. Things may not always have gone the way I wished -- and I haven't forgotten the dark days of 2006 -- but God has always been present, through the good and the bad.
There've been times when I wondered where He was or whether He was doing anything; even now when I look back I still have no idea what He was doing at that time. I don't have the answers for why He was silent or why He seemed so far away or why He didn't answer my prayers the way I wished He would. But somehow it doesn't matter anymore. It's like I've moved past that. Maybe I've given up trying to make God fit into my box. I dunno.
He really doesn't seem all that close now, either. But I know He is present. Somehow, that's enough. It wouldn't have been enough for me in the past. And maybe, in future it might not be enough again. But for now, it's enough.