The ones that got away
I've only said no to three guys in my life, and two of them are married now. I had good reasons for saying no, and I don't regret doing so, but it kinda makes you think, doesn't it? They're married, but I'm still single.
Isn't there an old saying that you can have principles, but principles won't keep you warm at night? -- or something like that? It's true, of course. But I keep on reminding myself that things could be worse. Like being in the same bed with someone and yet feeling like there is an unbreachable gulf between us. As Dad once said to me, "You can be lonely in a marriage too, you know."
I don't feel like I got the short end of the stick. Sure, maybe it's unfair that I believed I was doing the right thing, yet I still don't have what I want, whilst they've already gotten what they wanted and have moved on into wedded bliss. Most people expect to be rewarded for doing right, especially when it comes to dealings with the Almighty. Like, hey God, You're supposed to be fair and just. What's up with this raw deal? I did the right thing, how come You aren't showering me with blessings? Shouldn't You have shown 'em by sending me a gorgeous godly hunk pronto?
Well, somehow I've never applied that concept to matters of the heart, although I did in other areas of my life. Not that I've been so consistent in doing the right thing -- most of the time I've been busier thanking God that things turned out well despite my bumbles (like still getting reasonably good grades in exams despite studying last-minute!).
Somehow I think... a relationship... it's just something that can't be rushed. You want it sooner, you can make it happen: for example, by saying yes to the next guy who comes along. If you are like me and want certain things to be in place first before saying yes, then what to do, have to wait lah. But you also have to face the fact that if these things never fall into place, you might end up being single for the rest of your life.
I've always thought it worthwhile to wait, though. I realised recently that this is probably the only thing in my life I've ever waited for. I'm soooooo not into delayed gratification -- when it comes to material stuff, I see, I want, I buy. I seldom stop to think whether that thing is really necessary, because I know if I did, I would have to stop myself from buying it, and I don't want to stop myself from buying it. I want it now! Now! NOW!!!
With this relationship thing, though, I'm looking at the dream. Sure, I want to have a boyfriend, and eventually a husband, but there's so much more to it than that. And because I want the "more", I won't settle for less. Now I just have to import this attitude into my money management matters. Gaaaaah.