Revised opinion
Tonight, while doing some spring-cleaning, I found the list I made in 1998 when I was 20: the list of attributes I would like my future husband to have. It's a very detailed list -- 31 points long -- and my housemates were laughing over it, saying that I was describing the perfect man, who of course doesn't exist.
There's no better time to sit down and write out a list of everything you would like your future husband to be than when you're 20, idealistic, full of faith, and young enough to believe that anything can happen. That's part of the dream, and when you're young, you dream big. It's only later, when you grow older and more cynical, that you start to temper your dreams with realism, and your dreams shrink. You start to realise that the bigger the dream, the harder the fall when the dream doesn't eventuate, and so you box your dreams in and they become goals, ambitions, objectives.
I looked at my list, and there is nothing I would change. Even now, nine years later. And that's fine. We all know you don't always get everything you want. Life is like that, and the most wonderful guy is still... well... human.
Emblazoned across the top of the list, before even number #1 is listed, is the overarching criteria, the make-or-break ultimate non-negotiable: "Zealous for the Lord; spiritually mature", I had written in CAPITAL LETTERS. That's the only thing I would change.
I've come very far from those days when I thought it was important for a guy (and for me) to be "on fire" and all that stuff. Didn't realise how different I am now till I had a conversation with Florence some weeks ago.
"I think your requirement of guys would be similar to mine; we are first attracted by their commitment to church. That's our top priority -- that he be spiritually mature," Florence said.
"No, no!" I responded quickly, almost horrified. "I wouldn't be attracted to someone who was committed to church. I'm attracted to guys who are committed to journeying with God!"
"Yes, that's what i mean," she replied, puzzled. "That commitment is reflected in their commitment to church."
"I don't care if he is not going to church, as long as he is working it out with God." Then I paused. Had I really said that?!
You know why I was horrified at her mention of being "committed to church"? I immediately pictured some very zealous guy who is involved in umpteen church ministries / activities and always busy "serving the Lord". Once I would have been right there beside him... now the very idea makes me shudder.
Once I would have wanted someone who had reached a certain level spiritually because of my idea that the man must be the spiritual leader of the family; now I accept that nobody ever really gets "there" and that walking with God is a journey. I'd be content if my guy is journeying with God -- that's all I ask for.