The Wilful Sunflower

After reading Ted Haggard's letter to his church, I am very saddened. In addition to being senior pastor of his church, Haggard was president of the US National Association of Evangelicals, the American counterpart of our own NECF (National Evangelical Christian Fellowship, an umbrella body for churches and Christian organisations in Malaysia). He resigned from both positions recently due to allegations of drug abuse and homosexual trysts.

In the letter to his church, he said:

There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I've been warring against it all of my adult life.

For extended periods of time, I would enjoy victory and rejoice in freedom. Then, from time to time, the dirt that I thought was gone would resurface, and I would find myself thinking thoughts and experiencing desires that were contrary to everything I believe and teach.

Through the years, I've sought assistance in a variety of ways, with none of them proving to be effective in me. Then, because of pride, I began deceiving those I love the most because I didn't want to hurt or disappoint them.

It's scary how what he's describing sounds so darned familiar. It's not that he didn't try to stop -- he tried and tried and tried. It's not that he didn't do all the things that we Christians are commonly told to do in order to obtain "victory" or to "overcome" -- he did. It's not that he was a hypocrite and secretly believed it was okay to do what he was doing -- no, he was convinced it was wrong, which is why it tore him up so much inside. Yet he couldn't stop.

To me, Ted Haggard's struggle is a clear wake-up call to the church and Christian community that sexual addiction exists and the current ways we try to deal with it DOES NOT WORK. Let's stop telling people that they'll be okay if they'll just repent, claim victory, have more faith, read the Bible more regularly, pray more diligently, meditate on more Bible verses, go through deliverance. That's a bare-faced lie.

I really wonder how many people the church has damaged when it comes to this issue. How many people struggle alone because they still haven't succeeded in overcoming their sexual addiction, and believe it is somehow their own fault? After all, they've tried everything they can think of, everything that's been prescribed & suggested, so if it's still not okay then the problem must be with them, right? Maybe they don't really want to be free. Maybe they haven't surrendered to God fully. Maybe they don't have enough faith. Maybe they don't even love God enough!

And we can't tell anybody because they simply don't understand if they haven't faced this themselves. You know what my uncle and aunt said? "You don't really want to stop, because if you did, you would stop. Just make a decision and follow through on it." If it were really that easy, do you think I would still be where I am? Do you think Ted Haggard would still be where he is? Get real!

While I don't agree with everything written in this article, I do agree with the writer when she says it is high time that the church admitted she doesn't have the answers for everything, "that prayer, accountability, Bible study, preaching from the pulpit and exorcising demons does not guarantee the end of sexual addiction or sexual sin for many people".

It's always the ones who don't struggle with sexual sin who prescribe the supposed "cure". Why can't we just journey together? Why can't we admit, "I don't really understand what you're going through, but I'm praying for you and I'm here to help in any way I can"?

Let's also stop over-spiritualising and admit that sexual addiction is a manifestation of deeper issues in a person's life that need to be dealt with. Let's find ways of helping the person deal with those issues and move towards healing rather than just telling him to repent. Let's start treating people as individuals with a mind, emotions, and a history rather than just as souls that need to be saved and purged of sin.