Don't buy into the BS
Culture... defines the standard for romanticism. Popular movies, songs, books, and television shows depict the "perfect" couple who enjoys the "perfect" relationship. A large part of that relationship is usually sexual. The passion is supposedly equal to the depth of the connection.
—Marnie C. Ferree, No Stones: Women Redeemed From Sexual Shame
Having read a great number of romance novels, especially the Mills & Boon variety, I can see a great deal of undue emphasis being placed on "chemistry" or sexual "sparks". Most often, the man & woman meet and are instantly, irresistibly, inexplicably drawn towards each other.
They immediately develop a fixation with the other person's physical appearance, often gazing at a part of the person's anatomy (say, the lips) and becoming so absorbed in a fantasy involving said anatomical part that they lose track of the conversation. They start wondering what the person will look like without his or her clothing on, and what the person will be like in bed.
So strong is the "chemistry" that they can't keep their hands off each other even when they actually want to -- for example, when the woman believes that the man is a heartless philanderer. A handshake sends tingles up the spine and a kiss leaves both dazed and physically weak. Sexual intercourse is, needless to say, always spectacular.
In many cases, the couple is deeply attracted even when one or both does not approve of the kind of person the other is. She doesn't like him, she doesn't even respect him, but she lusts after him sexually... and she can't help herself. All he has to do is put an arm around her or kiss her, and she is unable to resist him -- as well as her own sexual urges.
That's the message these books send out -- that you are at the mercy of your sexual desires or your hormones; that if you feel it, you have to act on it; that you can't resist it, that you have no real choice. And that, therefore, it is okay. Nobody expects you to battle the tug of lust, simply because it is (supposedly) irresistible. It pulls you along, and all you can do is go along with it.
'Compatibility' now means no more than sexual compatibility. Lifestyle, religion, interests, personal goals, principles & values, all these are no longer considered important in determining compatibility, if the books are to be believed. It is only sexual compatibility that matters.
If this is the message that we are buying into, no wonder so many people don't get it when I say that I am looking for a partner who is a fellow Christian. They say I am discriminating against potential mates on the basis of religion. I say it is a compatibility issue. If we have reduced the concept of compatibility to mean only chemistry and mere physical "sparks" (and maybe mutual interests), then I understand why faith and personal beliefs would be considered unimportant. But I'm afraid I can't agree with such a narrow definition of the term.