Had it, lost it
I was talking to someone yesterday when I realised that I used to have a very clear idea of who God is & what He is like... back in my teens. It was only when I was in university that that line started to blur and eventually my idea of God began to mesh more & more with my vision of my earthly father.
When I was younger, I KNEW for a fact that God loved me with an everlasting love, that He accepted me just as I am and understood me even when no one else did. This got me through my teen years when I sometimes believed that nobody understood me (least of all my parents) and that my parents didn't really want me, they wanted someone the complete opposite of me -- or so it seemed, since they were always trying to change me!
Through all that turbulence and pain and confusion, I held on to God and the sure & certain knowledge of His love for me. It was like my talisman and my comfort. At the time, I really really knew that He loved me, both in my head & in my heart.
Then I went to college, and, I dunno... whilst God did heal many of my old wounds and helped me to see my parents with new eyes & relate to them in a better way, somehow along the way His love became not so real to me anymore and I started seeing Him as a demanding, impatient, perfectionist, angry God. How did that happen?!
Janelle, my best friend, suggests that it's because prior to leaving home & going to uni, I could just 'be'... there was nothing much to worry about, except exams. But when I left home, I had the freedom to make my own decisions about so many things, and I had to take on the responsibility of making these decisions, and maybe that's when I started to relate to God on more of a 'do' level. That's as good a guess as any.