Then and now
I spent this morning looking high and low for a bookmark which I definitely have somewhere but have forgotten where. It could even be in my bedroom back in my hometown, for all I know.
I'm always aggravated when I can't find misplaced items. Not just coz it reminds me what a mess I am, but it also reminds me how not messed up I used to be!
Hard to believe, but I used to be sooooooooooo much more organised and also almost always early for every meeting & appointment. I dunno what happened, but after starting work, everything went downhill and suddenly I don't even recognise myself anymore. It's like I morphed into a completely different person.
I was never extraordinarily disciplined, but most of the time I did have things somewhat under control and I was very driven about doing my best all the time, carrying out my responsbilities to the best of my ability, giving 101%, you get the picture. Of course I still feel like I should... the difference these days is that while I believe I should give 101%, I'm usually giving about 57.3%, which makes me feel like a horrible slacker!
Because I used to try so hard, although I'm still trying now, I continually feel like I'm not trying hard enough. I'm sure this doesn't make sense to anyone but me.
Take it from me, though, I used to have my life together and now I feel like it's crumbled into pieces, each piece has a taken on a life of its own, sprouted legs and is running away from me. Hey, come back here and behave, you!!