Too many questions
Just came back from an overnight trip to Kudat with the family. It's about a 3.5-hour drive from Kota Kinabalu, the state capital. We went through narrow winding roads, sparsely populated areas, paddy fields and mildly mountainous terrain.
And saw quite a few schools along the way.
And I realised, my goodness, if my application for the Education Ministry's teachers' training course is successful, I might very well get posted to one of these schools. In what, to me, is "the middle of nowhere".
Away from friends. Away from the city. Away from air-conditioning. Away from everything that is familiar! (Maybe even away from Internet access. *freaks out*)
This is why I hesitated so long about going into teaching. Of course I could apply to private schools, or try to get a teaching post in one of the private colleges, and then I would most likely get to stay in the city. But if I'm serious about wanting to go where there is a need... then probably I shouldn't even stay in the city, as the city provides ample resources for those in and around it.
But I like the city!! Despite the traffic jams and all!!!
When I quit my previous job in January, I told God I give up fighting, and if He wants me to teach, I will teach. If it means going into the interior and leaving all my friends and being without electricity and bathing in the river, so be it. *gulp* I can't say I'm looking forward to the prospect, but I'm willing to accept the possibility. (O, brave words. May I not rue them!!)
Well, it's all in God's hands now. If I get into the teachers' training course, it's up to Him where the Education Ministry decides to send me; and if I don't get in, I'll have to figure out what to do next instead. Basically it's a wait-and-see situation.
That's why I kinda feel like my life is in limbo. The teachers' training course only begins in January. I don't know whether I'll get a place in it. If I do, I don't know where I'll be going -- first for the training, then for the posting. If I don't, I don't know what else I should do.
Perhaps further studies. Masters in Linguistics sounds interesting. Theology too (Masters in Christian Studies). Where is the money going to come from? What will I do after all this studying? If I study part-time, what am I going to do in the meantime? So many questions...