The Wilful Sunflower

Sherman & I are conducting an open correspondence on the topic of "friendship". This is my response to his latest letter.

 
Dear Sherman,

FINALLY! A reply!! I thought it was never gonna come. Hehehe...

As I write this, I'm in Sabah with my parents, and if I sit in front of the computer any longer, my parents are going to think I came all this way only to neglect them. So I'd better make this quick :P

You know my mom recently started reading my blog, and that, for me, really underscored the meaning of the word vulnerability. It's a bit like letting her into my head, y'know.

But I think vulnerability is an integral element in a relationship, or friendship. Without vulnerability, there's no real friendship; the most one can have is a friendly acquaintance.

Recently I was wondering how it is that I've only kept in touch with a handful of my high school chums. The truth is, yes, we had fun together giggling over boys and griping about teachers and doing stuff together, but we never did develop a deep, lasting bond of friendship. Perhaps because we weren't willing at that time to be vulnerable to each other and share the really important stuff -- not just surface worries about exams and frustration with parents and so on. I knew them, but I didn't really know who they were.

Wanting to know the person inside has always been one of my 'great quests'. Remember I told you I used to be really intense? I used to be so frustrated about the fact that Christians constantly talk about transparency and openness, yet most of the Christians I met didn't practice it and didn't know how to react to someone who did. Since I've always been the kind of person who doesn't believe in wearing a mask and pretending... let's just say it made things a tad awkward!

But I've been so fortunate -- in fact, I would even say blessed -- coz in the last ten years, I've met friends who are as willing to share their lives with me as I am to share mine with them. Who are already on the journey I'm on and rejoice that we can journey together. I completely agree with you that these friends have enriched my life immeasurably.

At the same time, being vulnerable also means I give my friends the right to tell me off whenever they think necessary. I highly value the times when they've given me a much-needed kick in the butt or when they've dared to be objective while commenting on one of my pet projects (nobody likes getting negative feedback; I'm no exception!). Because they're friends, I know they say what they do out of love & concern for me, and that makes all the difference.

Scarily vulnerable,
Sunflower