Still no 'stickability'
For Maundy Thursday, today, I went to Bangsar Lutheran Church (BLC). We shared a "Christian Passover meal" (the Passover is a Jewish festival... Jesus celebrated it the night before He was crucified) and washed each other's feet, like how Jesus washed His disciples' feet that night.
My church (Christian Life Gospel Center) also had a service tonight, but I only found out on Sunday morning and I had already RSVP-ed with BLC. Tomorrow night I'll be in BLC again for Good Friday service (Good Friday being the day that Jesus was crucified; Easter Sunday is the day He came back to life). I can't explain why I'm going to BLC instead of my own church, because I don't rightly know.
I decided to attend Sunday services at my church coz my housemates go there. I figured if relationships & community are important to me, and if I've already formed relationships and found community within this church, why not go there?
So I jumped ship, so to speak. In January. And have hardly been in church ever since. (Well, not like I was in church so often before, either.) People from church have been asking my housemate Emmy about me. "She tells people she's from this church? But she doesn't come?"
Errr. Um. Ahh. Uhh. Yes.
I don't know why. It's been a year and I STILL don't want to go to church. I believe in the importance of attending Sunday service, but I don't go. What does that make me?
One part of me thinks I must learn to do things I don't want to do. Cannot be so ikut perasaan (follow my feelings), or else, like my aunt said, I will never develop 'stickability' in anything. Commitment is about staying put and carrying on even when you don't want to, even when you don't feel like it.
But I'm soooooooooo rebelling against that! Arrrggh.