The Wilful Sunflower

Sherman & I are conducting an open correspondence on the topic of "friendship". This is my response to his latest letter.

 
Dear Sherman,

Sorry for the delay in replying... I've been feeling very tired lately, going through another bout of the blues (although not as bad as the last one, thank God). Sitting in the house doesn't help, so I've been making myself go out, and also been meeting up with friends, which does help.

Friendship is very much a two-way thing, I find. I remember you once writing that friendship must be "a mutual exchange", which is is also something that the visiting preacher mentioned on Sunday. How coincidental is that?

Speaking on that passage in Luke 10 where Jesus tells His followers to visit the various towns, the preacher pointed out that those followers were specifically told to receive hospitality where it was offered to them. "When you enter a town and are welcomed, eat what is set before you," the passage states.

The point is that these followers of Jesus were not supposed to go to people as if they were doing those people a favour and giving the people all the answers. They were supposed to go with an attitude of humility & dependency (something we modern-day Christians may have to re-learn!). Yeah, so maybe they had something to impart to the people, but the people also had something to offer them. I particularly remember what the preacher said: "Kingdom culture is mutual exchange." Sounds familiar, eh? *grin*

I like your "slipper theology" a lot. You do realise that in befriending your students the way you have, you're doing what God did? God brought Himself down to our level, lived among us, lived with us, lived like us. He didn't behave consistently with the stature that had been accorded to Him, either!

So through your "slipper theology" and your friendships with your students, I see you truly mirroring God's friendship to us. Mind you, I'm not saying that you're God, okay, so don't get big-headed!! :P

As for me, I'm not a seminary lecturer, so if I hang out with friends in shorts & slippers, nobody's going to think anything of it. *grin*  I admit, though, that I used to be not very good at simply hanging out with friends. I was always impatient when we ended up talking about stuff I considered "inconsequential nonsense". If you'd known me in college, wow, I was this really intense person and I was always all about wanting to get to the essence of people and to learn who they are and talk about the things that really mattered (not what's the best movie showing now or how hot Christian Bale is -- uh, never mind).

I guess over the years I've mellowed and realised that talking about mo liu (frivolous or unimportant) stuff isn't a complete waste of time. It's all part of building friendships, and besides, you can't talk about intense stuff all the time without needing to see a psychologist. Perhaps it's the small things that help us to find the first sense of connection, and as I allow myself just to slow down and be present, a precious friendship begins to take root & grow.

Over the last two years or so, I made a conscious decision to move away from doing mode into relational mode by choosing to prioritise friendships over -- *gasp!* -- church activities, programmes, and meetings. Imagine that!

The thing is, I realised that these were taking so much of my time that I had hardly any time left over to spend with the people around me, people I considered my friends (or with whom I longed to be friends). Many days after work I'd find myself rushing off to attend some Christian meeting or another, and would get back late; on weekends, the bulk of my time also went to church activities or "ministry". I ended up feeling like a stranger to my housemates because I rarely even saw them. And I thought, This can't be right. We are commanded to "Love one another" and how can I love anyone if I'm hardly ever around and hardly ever see them?!

So I've deliberately curtailed my church and "ministry" activities. Perhaps this has contributed to me no longer feeling so much a part of any church, because I have less of a stake in things and am no longer much involved in what is going on. But it has meant that I have more time to spend with my housemates, just watching tv together, chatting, going out for dinner as a group, painting fingernails side-by-side (new female bonding ritual!! :P). Nothing particularly earth-shattering... but all part of that wonderful thing we call friendship.

Learning to be a better friend,
Sunflower

 
P/S. Well, I figure there are already enough people talking about the DaVinci Code and the Gospel of Judas, plus I know I have nothing to contribute on either subject; so I guess we may as well talk about friendship. Not that I know much about that either, but it is an easier topic to goreng! (loosely translated: 'cook up something'... hehe)