The Wilful Sunflower

Sherman & I are conducting an open correspondence on the topic of "friendship". This is my response to his latest letter.

 
Dear Sherman,

When it comes to rediscovering and reclaiming the crucial element of friendship within the Christian community, of course there won't be any quick solutions lah. I can imagine this process taking DECADES, you know, since it takes time to shift mindsets and build the groundwork for change. As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day (I told you I like clichés, right?? ).

And yes, absolutely no church-bashing. That's why I asked you how we can change. It's too easy to point out all the things that are wrong with our faith communities (ie. the church), yet not do anything about it except grumble & complain. As Bob, another friend of mine, likes to say, "If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem".

In a very real way, you and I are part of the problem anyway, because we're a product of our culture. Look around and you'll realise that we are now extremely goal-driven and success-oriented. We've so absorbed these cultural values that we do not even stop to question whether what we are doing aligns with God's ideas & principles. We just assume that everything has to be done this way.

For example, in an ordinary friendship, we don't need to see each other every day at a certain time or on a certain day every week. Why then do we apply this when it comes to being in friendship with God? Like every good Evangelical, I was taught to read my Bible and pray every day, go to church service every Sunday morning, and give 10% of my gross income to the church. Failure to do any one of these three would make me a "bad Christian".

Not only that... people would tell me, "The best time to read your Bible is in the morning. Start your day right." Then they'd back their theory up by pulling out all the Bible verses saying that Jesus went off "early in the morning" to be alone to pray. Do you know how guilty I felt for years because even God wasn't a strong enough inducement for me to wake up early in the mornings?!?

It has taken me YEARS to break out of this goal-driven, success-oriented mindset. Friendship with God is so much more than just doing all the "right" things at the "right" time, and not doing those things at those times doesn't make me a bad friend. Seriously. I'm pretty sure He doesn't think so!

We must learn what it means to be friends of God in order to be able to relate to one another as a group of, as you said, "friends who are brought together by virtue of our being friends of God". If our idea of friendship with God is warped, it is no wonder that we also do not know how to relate to one another as friends.

Shedding the guilt,
Sunflower