Discombobulated
I received a text message on my mobile phone from Jobstreet.com while I was at cell group on Friday night:
JobStreetAlert: ABC Recruitment Agency requests you to apply for Journalist. Check your email.
When I duly checked my email, I was told that the agency had viewed my "searchable resume" on Jobstreet's website and was interested in having me apply for the position of Journalist with an unnamed media company.
I'm like, "Okay, God, what is going on here?!"
Ever since I wrote this nearly two years ago, the question of a career in teaching has been haunting me. This is something I haven't been able to talk about openly here because, well, it's rather dumb to announce to the world that you are thinking of leaving your job and doing something else -- especially when your blogging persona is, at best, only semi-anonymous. The last thing I needed was for nosy parkers to question my loyalty to my company or my dedication to my work. The world is not a very nice place ;)
In addition to thinking about using my spiritual gifts in my daily life and allowing them to guide me to a career which would be a good 'fit' for me, something else happened that also seemed to point in the direction of teaching. You see, I used to write features for the youth section of the newpaper and, somehow, began identifying with that entire demographic (youths being those aged 13-25). To some, the teen years are a very confusing time when you're trying to figure out yourself, your parents, your friends, the opposite sex, and the entire world around you. I remember that difficult time and how alone I felt, how much I wished I had someone to talk to about stuff, someone older who would understand and maybe help in some way.
This led me to think about becoming that 'someone' for today's youths, and what better way than to be a teacher in secondary schools?
On the other hand, as anybody who reads this blog regularly can tell you, I am not terribly fond of change. (What an understatement!) I fought the idea of leaving my comfortable job and my great boss to join the civil service and be at risk of getting posted to a school anywhere in the country. I mean, I'm already settled here! I like PJ & KL despite the traffic jams and the hectic lifestyle and the high cost of living. My friends are here and I'm familiar with the place and I do not want to have to uproot and turn my life upside-down!
Well, to become a part of the public education system would require undergoing a year's training course under the Education Ministry and I missed the application deadlines for that course both last year and the year before. When I missed it last year, I wondered if I should just forget about this teaching thing. And then in October, I was offered that new job and after accepting it, I thought, "Well, that's that. I think I'm going to remain in Petaling Jaya for the forseeable future."
Much I knew.
At the time, I did believe that God had "opened the door" for me to get that job, so I was rather confused when things didn't work out. Had I read Him wrongly? What's going on? And then I wondered, is God trying to show me that yes, I can still stay in my comfort zone, yet be utterly miserable? I may not want to go through the discomfort of relocating and being parted from my friends & all that's familiar, but perhaps that particular pain won't be comparable to the misery of retaining all I want at the cost of disobedience?
So I resigned with, literally, a resigned attitude: "Whatever, Lord. You just show me what's next. I give up. If You want me to teach, I'll teach!!" And I've been applying for teaching/lecturing jobs ever since.
Now this journalism job opening pops up and once again I'm confused. What on earth is God doing? Is this even from God in the first place? Why do things have to be so complicated?!?!