There goes my 'stickability'
I had dinner with my assistant cell group leader last week and told her that I've almost decided to leave our church for Christian Life Gospel Center. The wrench is not in leaving the church itself, but in leaving my cell group. That's the only thing which has caused me to hesitate.
If I didn't believe that Sunday service is important, I could stay in my current church. I'd just happily go to cell group meetings every week but skip service. Coz I love my cell group.
Unfortunately, I do believe that Sunday service is important. But being lonely in church makes me deeply reluctant to attend service. And it's kinda hard to reconcile the two, y'know.
I don't feel guilty when I miss service. In fact, it's kinda scary how I can go for weeks not attending church service and not even notice. I don't want this not going thing to become a habit, and I do think it's in danger of becoming one. I'm hoping things will be different in CLGC because the 'lonely in church' issue will be taken care of. Plus, my housemates will help to kick my butt when I'm feeling lazy about going to church :P (three of my housemates attend CLGC!)
It's also my hope that, after moving to CLGC, I'll be able to finally give my full commitment to a church, something I haven't been able to do for years. You see, the other reason I'm leaving my current church is coz I just can't see myself being a part of the system -- I can't see myself being in the music team, nor leading a cell group, and these are the two areas which I would normally move towards as a matter of course.
I'm not saying I can't serve in any other ministry, but that if I can't see myself in those two core ministries (which are so vital to the life of the church), then maybe that explains why I've been unable to give this church my full commitment. I want to be able to participate and serve and give my all, without reservation, and for some reason I just can't do that in my current church.