The Wilful Sunflower

Yesterday I had a major breakdown: I cried on & off throughout the day while sitting at my office desk, cried on the bus home, reached home and cried on my housemate's shoulder. Today, I tendered my resignation.

I'd already begun to consider looking for another job, and contemplated resigning once I managed to find something else. But yesterday everything came to a head, and though I'm scared about leaving this job without having anything else lined up, I couldn't take it anymore. Dramatic as this sounds, I'd lost my joie de vivre and I WANTED IT BACK.

Before doing anything, though, I spoke to my parents. Coz I knew that if I were to resign now, and if I can't find another job soon, I'll have to rely on Dad's largesse. Embarrassing for a girl of 27, but there you have it. Supposedly independent and self-supporting, but then something happens and I realise that I'm not quite as independent as I thought I was. And that I need my parents more than I ever thought I did.

Dad & Mom encouraged me to go ahead and tender my resignation, and not to worry about anything. I couldn't quite believe it. I feel so incredibly blessed, like I've received a great and precious gift. It means the world to know that they are 100% behind me, backing me up. Wow.

And so, I gave one week's notice to my boss this afternoon. I've only been at this job for two months, and every day of those two months I kept telling myself that I had to give myself time to adjust, that things would get better, that it was not all that bad. Some days I felt that if I were one of the Mr Men (or rather the Little Misses), I'd be Little Miss Determinedly Positive.

At least now I know I can't take a desk-bound job, and I need a job that will give me the opportunity to interact with people. I find that inexplicably crucial to my well-bring. Otherwise, my soul starves and shrivels up.