Abundance of tears
Yes, yes. A more serious post. Christmas isn't supposed to be all about partying. Okay. *ahem* *puts on serious face*
I went to SIB KL for church service this morning with a friend. If this friend hadn't invited me, I'm quite sure I wouldn't have gone for service at all... a combination of laziness, not knowing where to go, and not having anybody to go with (three of my housemates are out of town, celebrating Christmas with family).
After the service, we were singing the song "Emmanuel" (a Greek word meaning means "God with us"). As I sang it, tears just came to my eyes and began rolling down my cheeks. Strange thing is, I didn't know why.
I've been feeling a heavy sense of sadness lately, but am not entirely sure what it's all about. A week ago I hid in my office bathroom and bawled; on Thursday this past week, as I was on the way home from one of those six parties I mentioned earlier, I pulled over to the side of the road and burst into tears. Mind you, this was some seriously noisy sobbing, not dainty weeping.
Anyway, when I started tearing up during that song, I decided to go out to the front to get somebody to pray for me (an action otherwise known in Christian circles as 'responding to an altar call'). I went out and then really broke down, and began sobbing like crazy. A lady put her arms around me and asked me what I needed prayer for but I was too busy crying to answer. I didn't even know HOW to answer!
I cried and cried and cried until I was trembling all over. I actually rarely cry, and can't remember ever crying that much before. The lady prayed for me, then Pastor Lee Choo came over and prayed for me too, and through it all I just continued crying.
I'm not sure if all this sadness and tears is the sign that something is wrong, or that I'm grieving over something, or that I need some sort of inner healing, or what. I felt lighter after I got it all out, and after the prayers... I think maybe God is doing something in my life, under the surface. I mean, He always is, I guess, but most of the time I don't realise it coz there aren't any "symptoms". Pastor Lee Choo reminded me of the verse that says God's grace is sufficient for me. Coincidentally, I'm currently reading a book about grace -- so will write about that another time.