Even more change
I am back from camp. I am also facing the possibility of even more change. (Nothing to do with camp... the timing coincided, that's all). And I HATE CHANGE. Even when it is good!!! 
On the other hand, the camp's "theme verse" was Isaiah 43:18-29...
Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
Couldn't have been more appropriate 
Nothing very earth-shaking happened at camp; but because on Friday morning (just before I left) I received news about the likelihood of more impending changes, I spent the whole camp pondering and coming to terms with the possibility of all these changes taking place in my life.
I realise I'm going to need to depend on God even more in the days ahead -- I'm going to need His help, His strength, wisdom, and courage to weather what's coming. Coz once these changes become reality, it'll be like stepping out into the great unknown, and I have to trust Him to be faithful. I have to trust Him to be with me and help me through whatever comes.
For me, it's hard to come to that place of trust, and I'm grappling with this. God has been so faithful to me in previous years that I don't know why I'm even having difficulties trusting that He'll continue to be faithful. I guess part of it is that I fear I'll fail again or make the same mistakes that I've made before, and mess things up. I'm trying really hard to just keep focusing on Him instead of thinking about me, me, me -- what I have done or what I might do.
The other part of it is knowing that I have no control over anything any more, because everything is a huge blank. I'm losing the things which are familiar and comfortable and I've got to trust that God is going to bring me something far more worthwhile than what I have now. The thing is, I keep fearing that I might be exchanging something good for something not-so-good, because I can't see the future and I can't know whether these changes are changes for the better, or for the worse. But surely God wouldn't do that to me... surely He wouldn't play such a shabby trick on me? I have to learn to trust that He's not going to let me down.
You see, I really do fear that God might cause me to suffer coz that's where lessons are learnt and character is built. And I'm very scared of suffering. But I know I have to trust that even though I might face major difficulties, or painfully stressful situations, God's going to help me and He'll be with me through it all. That He'll bring me out of it safely.
So for most of the camp, I just kept coming back to the issue of trusting God for the next stage of the journey (the camp was themed "The Journey" -- that's what made me decide to go for it in the first place!). With all the changes taking place -- well, that's if they all do take place -- it does seem like God is "doing a new thing" in my life. Or A LOT of new things. Scary stuff. Exciting, but scary. And I still hate change!!!