The Wilful Sunflower

Jason writes:

When laziness is combined with addiction, at the point where a person is tempted to use his or her addiction, the thought intrudes upon the mind that to do without the stimulation is too hard because there is nothing else. This is the great lie, that the stimulation (as bad as it is) is better than nothing at all. Laziness feeds the lie that there is nothing at all by robbing you of physical proof that there is something else worth foregoing the stimulation for.

This is why some people never break free, even though they are aware of the lie and of all the consequences, and know all the strategies for combating addiction. It is because, when it comes down to the moment where they are faced with the decision to abstain to indulge, they have nothing that means anything to them worth saving, and they never will, because they are too lazy build it.

I just thought this very profound, especially where Jason notes that we often fail to battle our addictions because we fear that if we were to give up those addictions, we'll be left with nothing else to fill the void. That's what I struggled with for a long time in relation to romance novels.

Romance novels envelop me in a beautiful dreamworld where all difficulties are eventually resolved, all pain is soothed & healed, one is cherished tenderly, and everybody lives happily ever after. It's just too easy to escape into that place. Run away from the harsh (or not-so-interesting) realities of life...

I stopped reading most other books once I allowed myself to be seduced by romance novels. It was so much easier to pick up a romance novel than to read something else that might actually -- gasp -- require me to think!

By the time I realised that it was an addiction, I didn't want to let go. What if I let go of romance novels and all the nice, warm, fuzzy feelings they induced, then ended up with a huge, empty hole? Sure, I could read other types of fiction, but they don't have half the pull romance books do.

I still don't have the answer. I read a lot less romance books these days mainly coz I'm online waaaaay too much and when I'm not online, I'm out of the house meeting up with friends, hanging out, shopping, working, attending meetings, and doing all that other stuff people go out of the house to do.

So in a sense I've built "something worth foregoing the stimulation for", as Jason puts it, but sometimes I wonder if I've replaced one addiction with another. Like when I get home and tell my housemate Emmy that I'm so tired, and she says, "Well, go to sleep, then," and I reply, "But I haven't blogged yet!"