Calamity #5231
Yesterday the first thing I did when I woke up was to log onto the Internet and start searching for ice-breaker games. Coz I had cell group meeting that evening and I was in charge of coming up with an ice-breaker to play at the start of the meeting. PLUS we were expecting some delegates from the 9th Malaysian Cell Church Conference (organised by my church) to join us, so they could see what cell group meetings are like. Oooh... pressure, pressure!
Anyway, I was surfing when out of the blue I came up with the idea of giving each person a marker pen and a piece of paper, then asking them to use one of their feet to hold the pen and write out their name & a word that describes them. I tried it out at home and decided it was doable; plus, marker pens were good coz they're 'fatter' and therefore easier for the toes to grip.
It worked brilliantly, except for one thing: the marker pen ink seeped through the paper and left marks on the white tiled floor. (Thank God the floor wasn't marble!) I felt terrible. That kinda spoilt the rest of the meeting for me, coz all throughout I was looking at the dots on the floor and worrying about getting them off later, worrying that the hostess -- my cell group leader -- was upset with me, worrying... oh, I don't know about what. I was just worrying.
After everything was over, I approached my leader to ask her whether she had any alcohol or stuff for me to use to wipe off the stains. She was like, "Oh, don't worry! It's a small matter! My maid will clean it later!"
It made me realise just how conditioned I am to expect people to be unhappy or upset or displeased with me when things go wrong. I still felt like I had to do something or make restitution in some way... to have her brush the whole thing off so casually almost brought tears of relief to my eyes.
A friend called me from England the other day and, as we were talking, said: "I know you, okay. Your whole life is run on guilt and fear." I was thinking, "How did she ever get to know me so well? Even I didn't know that till recently!" I must be easier to read than I think ;)