The Wilful Sunflower

Recently, I was reading a small booklet by local author Dr Lee Bee Teik. Its intriguing title -- The Forgotten Teenagers -- caught my eye. In it, Dr Lee quotes a teenager from one of David Wilkerson's books, Beyond the Cross and the Switchblade:

Mr Wilkerson, you have been talking about drug abuse, homosexuality, alcoholism, devil worship. All these big hang-ups. I thank God for the kids who have been released from bondage. But, Mr Wilkerson, you sure did miss me. And if you missed me, I think you may have missed hundrewds of others here. We don't smoke pot, let alone stick needles into our arms. We don't drink. We are not homosexuals. And we hate the devil. We do have problems, all right. Sometimes they stymie us and keep us from standing up to be counted. But our problems, Mr Wilkerson, seem so insignificant compared to these massive hang-ups that we just don't dare bring them out. If you want to know the truth, we really feel like forgotten teenagers.

Absolutely! I know what she means, because I was one of those forgotten teenagers!

I grew up going to church and Sunday School and when I was in my teens, I started playing the piano for church service and youth group meetings. I was also on the youth committee later on. Heck, Mom was one of the youth counsellors -- I couldn't even go to camp without her coming along!

Of course everybody assumed I was doing okay. I was not a problem kid. The idea of playing truant from school had never crossed my mind, I didn't hang out with the "bad crowd", I got above average grades (although I was never a straight-A student or top scorer), I was polite and respectful to my elders (I trained myself to agree with everything they said and speak only when spoken to), I didn't smoke, drink, gamble, do drugs, flirt with guys, or have any desire to do "wild & crazy" things like getting piercings or tattoos... I didn't even swear. It was not allowed in our house, you see. Mom absolutely frowned on "Oh my God" or "gosh" or "gee", let alone "hell" and "shit" and "damn".

I was a good kid, like most of the other kids I knew. Not a paragon, but not a troublemaker or hellraiser either.

And I felt "forgotten", as that girl puts it, because hey, my life was pretty okay. What did I have to complain about? Why would anybody be interested in my petty problems when there are kids getting beaten up by their drunken dads and suffering from sexual abuse and having to drop out of school coz their family is so poor that every extra pair of hands counts? When you put all that next to my concerns, I figured I just ended up sounding like I was whining and making mountains out of molehills. Which teen doesn't think her parents misunderstand her? Which teen doesn't go through a period of wondering whether her parents really love her and want her?

Also, I figured pastors and church leaders would be too busy to make any time for me and my petty problems. There were so many other "more deserving" people out there who needed their help. Why would they bother to take any time with me?

Eventually, when bigger things came along, I was so used to going it alone that I continued to try to do so. Oh, I confided in a few people along the way, pastor's wives, church leaders, and so on -- mostly when I felt really desperate. But it seemed that nobody actually took the trouble to try to work things through with me until the issue could be settled. That just confirmed my belief that authority figures do not have time for me. They are too busy caring for everybody else, and I am not messed up enough for them to care for me.

I still kinda feel that way. I met up with someone from my church two weeks ago to seek help and she told me she would probably need to meet me about five or six more times in future. It made me feel like she was imposing some kind of quota on the association, that she might not be committed to see me through till there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Of course I could be wrong. That was just my impression. But you see, though I'm no longer a teenager, I still feel very much 'forgotten' by all the church leaders and people in authority. And it has become so hard to even trust someone to care.

 
N.B.: I met up with that person from church again this morning and I think my first impression was definitely wrong. That was just me being paranoid *rolls eyes*