Authenticity
Messy Christian recently wrote about "being real" and honest within the Christian community.
Before I discovered such a concept as "Authentic Christianity", to survive as a Christian I had to put on my best mask to deceive others into thinking that I'm a better Christian than I actually am. It places an unholy kind of pressure on you which not only affects you, but affects how you interact with others.
I used to be very frustrated because so many of the Christians I knew tended to wear masks. For some reason I never bought into that "if you are a Christian you ought to have no problems because Jesus is the answer to everything" crap that some people have accepted as Gospel. Maybe it was coz of the books I read -- I remember reading somewhere that it is okay to tell God how you feel coz He already knows anyway. Besides, if you read the outpourings in the Psalms, obviously God has no problem with people expressing anger, bewilderment, doubt, fear, and pain. The Psalms appeal to me precisely because they're so real.
Unfortunately, it's really hard to be open and authentic when others aren't, coz they don't know how to handle it. When they ask, "How are you?", they expect to hear "I'm fine". The truth is something they aren't ready to hear.
That's why I really thank God for my church cell group members. One of the things that first struck me was how real they all are. They're not afraid to admit that they're not 100% there yet.
For example, on Friday we were talking about being a disciple of God, when our leader suddenly said, "I guess I shouldn't assume that all of you want to be disciples. Tell you what. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you want to be a disciple?" He counted to three, then all of us put out the requisite number of fingers. Surprisingly (to me at least), there weren't that many 10s!
I didn't put out a 10 either. I put out a 6. I am ambivalent about discipleship; when I think about giving up all of myself to God and just following Him in faith wherever He might lead, it freaks me out. But this is what I really love about my cell group: it's a safe place for me. I can be myself with them and I don't need to worry that I'll be judged or condemned or criticised. I can say, "I don't really want to be a disciple right now," and they'll lovingly encourage me instead of looking at me with horror in their eyes.
You don't know how amazing this is to me. I'm not sure I even believed communities like this existed, and if they did I probably thought I would never find one. For the first time I truly get the sense that we are all fellow travellers on the journey of faith and that we're here to help one another along the way. It's awesome and so I thank God for the opportunity to be part of this group and to have each of them in my life at this moment.