Numbers & legalism
One of the reasons I'm scared to say that I'll settle down in DUMC is because I don't know if I really will. I think it's too early to tell. I want to be happy and excited and to thank God that my search is over, but I'm really scared to hope. What if it doesn't work out? What if this isn't it? Every time I talk about DUMC, I say, "I think I'm settling down there," or, "I'm going to DUMC. Sort of." Notice the diffidence?
Mac Swift's latest post mentions DUMC's goals for 2004. How I missed this, I really don't know. One of those goals is: "Personal breakthrough in prayer & fasting. Personal prayer life: goal -- 60 minutes a day; fasting: goal -- 5 days a month."
This worries me. Setting a duration for prayer? And suggesting each person fast a certain number of days a month -- at the minimum? I find this legalistic. This is like having my previous previous church implement a "Daily Encounter With God" card, on which we were supposed to record how many minutes we'd spent reading the Bible & praying each day. An "ordinary member" was supposed to spend a minimum of 20mins, "ministry member" 25mins, and "executive member" (those on the church council) 35mins. The cell group leader would check his/her members' cards once a week and keep them "accountable". While accountability is good, to stipulate the minimum amount of time one must spend with God and get people to "clock in and clock out", as it were... that just didn't seem right to me. How can you insist I must spend at least 20 minutes reading the Bible and praying every day? Will God not speak to me if I only spend 5 minutes instead? I'm soooooooo out of that paradigm... holy cow.
And all this emphasis on numbers. I think this gets to me the most. Goal-setting is not wrong, perhaps. And, as someone once said to me, "You can't tell me numbers don't matter, because every number represents one person, and each person is important." But, oh! -- all this targeting of how many members we must have by when and how many cell groups must multiply (split, because the group has grown too big) by when still makes me extremely wary.
I'm reminded of another friend who told me that his previous church received a prophecy that they would grow to a certain number within two years. When, after a year, they didn't see it happening, they began pressuring their members to bring in people. Bringyourfriends bringyourfriends bringyourfriends. Why haven't you been bringing your friends? -- I've heard this so many times before, and felt the pressure. "We MUST multiply by the end of this year. I want you all to work extra-hard, and bring AT LEAST one friend." Gaaaaah! Save me, save me!!! *runs screaming from the room*
My previous pastor once said to me that growth should not be measured in terms of size, or numbers. "If you are an oak seed, you will grow into a large oak tree. But if you are a sunflower seed, you'll only grow as tall as a sunflower plant when you reach full maturity," he said. I've always remembered that wise statement.
Perhaps some churches are not MEANT to be big. Ever thought of that??! I think that's probably going to sound vaguely blasphemous to some people out there... especially those in my previous previous church (not to be confused with my previous church), whose pastor says, "The church is alive, and any living thing must grow. If it doesn't grow, something is wrong." But why must we always measure growth in terms of quantity??! Why can't we have more pastors like this one?
Maybe DUMC is not the place for me after all... *sigh* I don't know.