So I cried
I cried this afternoon. I don't know why, although I do know what precipitated it. Was told off by my boss and deservedly so... I hate knowing that I deserve exactly what I'm getting, because it makes me feel wretched, but usually that isn't enough to make me cry.
A few nights ago I watched Faking It, another one of those British reality TV shows. This one shows a person "plucked from their natural habitat and given four weeks to master a skill well enough to fool a group of expert judges". My attention was caught when I realised they were trying to transform a shy newsagent into a showbiz reporter. Aha! I thought. Reporting!
She was coached and sent out to interview actual celebrities. The first few times didn't go too well. During one of the times she spoke into the camera, evaluating her progress and latest experience, something she said resonated with me. It went something like: "I guess I want people to like me, so I have difficulty asking intrusive or personal questions because people don't like that."
I'm the same way. I want people to like me. So I can't take it when people are upset with me or disappointed with me or whatever. And it just makes it worse knowing I deserve it something I've said or done, or failed to do...
But I know I didn't cry just because of that. And it didn't help, you know.
The funk goes on.