Men, stand up and be counted
I was browsing in a Christian bookstore yesterday when I read the following:
Unless you believe that God is going to supernaturally bring The One to your doorstep, then you must take responsibility to place yourself in a Target-Rich environment.-- Ben Young & Dr Samuel Adams, The One: A Realistic Guide to Choosing Your Soulmate
"Target-rich environment"? That sounds just like one of my aunts saying church camps are a great place to meet Christian men! Needless to say, I didn't buy the book. I don't believe in going out of my way to "hunt" for a potential mate. I figure that my job is to be where God wants me to be and do what I'm supposed to do, and He'll either put me in some guy's path or bring some guy into my path along the way.
When you come to think of it, though, I do know quite a lot of single Christian guys. I went to co-ed schools, was active in youth group, joined peer Bible study groups, participated in Scripture Union camps, helped out in my college's Christian Fellowship group, and am now involved in iBridge, the young graduates' arm of Graduates Christian Fellowship Malaysia. Along the way, I've met LOTS of Christian young men.
So what's the problem?
As I was telling a friend last night, the problem is that the girls don't know what the guys are doing and the guys are being guys.
See, it goes like this. I meet a guy I think is interesting. We talk a little. I'd like to get to know him better. But I don't want to be obvious about it because let's face it, I have my pride and I don't want him to think I'm "chasing" him, especially if my interest is not reciprocated. Besides, at this point, I'm not even thinking in terms of a relationship yet. I want to build a friendship first.
What happens next? I wait. If nothing happens, I make friendly overtures write an email or send a casual SMS (mobile phone text message). Say, "Hey, it was fun talking to you that day", ask his opinion about something, find a topic of common interest to discuss. And then he either doesn't reply, or replies with a one-paragraph email the tone of which implies, "I'm just answering this coz you asked me."
But when I meet him in person, he's perfectly pleasant, we have good conversations, and if I happen to be in a jam, he helps me out if he is able. He also sometimes accepts casual invitations to group events like a barbeque or a movie outing.
This goes on. He just continues being a blur guy and I am not sure whether I should allow myself to hope. The thing is, I have no idea what's going on in his head: is he actually looking, and if so, am I on the list? Is he just being his friendly self? What does he really want?
I've actually known two guys where this has happened. The friendship never really went anywhere, because it never got a chance to develop much. This is slightly disappointing. While I try not to think of every Christian guy I meet as a potential mate because I want to get to know him for his own sake instead of just assessing his "possibilities" the fact remains that I AM on the lookout for likely "potentials". It only makes sense because, hey, I do want to be married one day, you know.
But what are the guys doing? As far as we girls can see, they're not doing anything!!! You complain we're hard to understand... you are the ones confusing us. Are you waiting for us to hit you with a brick or what??