True spirituality
Not sure if you've noticed, but I can sometimes be all about performance and doing things right.
So, for a long time, when I saw a Christian acting in a not-so-"spiritual" way like, for example, smoking I'd be shocked inside, although I always tried not to show it. I was so caught up in trying to be perfect and to be a good example of a Christian, I used to privately think of such people as the "not so committed" ones.
Of course, this was before I realised that my life is pretty messy and that one's struggles don't necessarily show on the outside: a person can be struggling to change and yet outwardly seem to be content with the status quo. There's nothing like falling flat on your face to kill a critical attitude and give you some much-needed compassion.
Still, this passage from Messy Spirituality really challenged me. Mike Yaconelli tells of the time he spoke at a conference:
I mentioned that a woman in my church whom I deeply respect and who is one of the most godly women I know smokes and sometimes uses colourful language. After the talk, I was made aware of a pastor in the audience who was outraged by what I'd said... After the conference, trying to understand what he was so upset about, I contacted him."How dare you tell the audience that 'one of the most godly women you know' smokes and uses the language of the world?" he said, quite heatedly.
"Because she is one of the most godly women I know, and she does happen to smoke and use 'colourful' language," I replied.
The conversation went on for a long time, and he was not impressed with my defence of this woman. Although he didn't use these words, what he was saying was clear: "Godly women do not smoke, nor do they use 'colourful' language! Full stop."
The idea that a person could be smoking, drinking, swearing (or whatever insert your own verb here) and still be godly sounded preposterous to me at first, too.
But I know one person exactly like the lady Yaconelli is describing, except that he's a guy.
When my friend talks about God, I see passion. I see a desperate desire to hang on to God. You know that "God, I know You're real and whatever happens, I am not letting go of You, because I can't!" kind of feeling. I see a relationship with God that is messy and up-and-down, the way real relationships are. I see a continued commitment to work at that relationship and to do the best he can, which is really all any of us can do.
I'm telling you, my friend is the epitome of messy spirituality. Because of him, I know what Yaconelli is talking about. Because of him, I know what true godliness looks like: holding on even when you can't push on, when life just sucks so much no one could honestly blame you for throwing everything in and stomping out.
Sometimes, like Yaconelli says, 60% is 100% of all we have to give. "And God is there, in the middle of our 'meagre' 60 per cent, recognising the seeds of growth in what we're giving Him." Indeed.
Thank you, my friend. You are an example and an inspiration to me.