No straight lines
Paging through a card-making book last night, I realised something: I like straight lines.
Let me explain.
I'm not obsessive enough to get out a set square and make sure all four corners of my cards equal 90 degree angles, but I want things to be crisp and "proper". I do not like to tear papers; I use a steel ruler and a blade to ensure a straight cut. Even scissors aren't good enough though I can cut along the pencilled line, it wouldn't be completely straight. (Plus it's just easier to slice the paper through with the knife.)
The book had several projects where papers were torn at random and glued on to make beautiful cards, but something in me recoils from tearing paper. It's just like when I'm baking and I ask my mom how much soda bicarbonate to put in, and my mom says, "Agak-agak,", which is Malay for "estimate". She's telling me to just make a guess and do an approximation and I can't do that. I want to weigh everything and make sure all the ingredients are correct to the nearest ounce, and she's asking me to APPROXIMATE??!?!
I like to be able to measure things and know that if I follow a formula or standard, things are going to turn out perfect. Don't ask me to "wing it", don't ask me to tear the paper and stick it on what if the paper's torn too thin? Too wide? Too jagged? Not jagged enough? How do you expect me to know??!?!
It used to be that I was just as rigid when it came to life. There is the right thing to do and there is the wrong thing to do, you're supposed to do the right thing and no excuses are acceptable for doing the wrong thing, y'know? I told you I can sometimes be all about performance and doing things right!
But now... hmm. I read this today and it made me think, as did the accompanying comments:
I just found out that my co-worker's husband is having an affair. Last night my co-worker found out, as if this isn't bad enough... he is a Christian, lay minister at a local church. Was the head of Evangelism Explosion for his church as well... stupid ass. I am really sick and tired of the excuses... seriously I have heard them all. When will we stop this crap? I hate this!Comment from a reader:
My prayers are with the wife - she is going to have a lot of healing to do.But am totally pissed at the husband - people can be such losers.
Sometimes I think churches don't do all they can to screen their workers but on the other hand people are great liars and also can make huge mistakes but it isn't like oops I accidentally just stuck my penis in another woman. Really gets me how people can put an affair down to an accident. Anyway there is my two cents.
-- From My Pursuit, Oct 10. Post reproduced in its entirety because he has no permalinks.
Once upon a time I would have said the same. I would have rained fire and brimstone down upon that guy's head. I would have said, "How could he have done that? He is a leader in the church! He should know better! There is no excuse!"
But now I know things are not so cut-and-dried. Real life rarely is.
I'm not saying that there's an excuse. I'm not saying it's not wrong. I'm saying don't be so quick to condemn the guy.
Fictitious scenario: You work together. You lunch together (he drives, of course). You talk. You share. You communicate.
You build a bond. You develop an attachment. You "have feelings for each other". Do you act on your feelings? You want to. But you know it's wrong. Yet it's such a wrench to part. Doing the right thing is hard.
You never meant for it to happen. It's lame but it's true. You didn't go out trying to "get" this guy. He didn't go out looking for a fling, an affair, another woman. But you were in it before you knew it.
Once you know it once you realise the mess you're in what do you do? The guilt is overwhelming. Your conscience smites you. The world says, "You deserve to be happy." The world says, "Go with whatever feels right." This feels right, this makes you happy but at the same time, it's destroying you inside. It's tearing you apart. And you know it's wrong. What do you do?
Life is not like a straight line. When I was younger, I would have been disgusted to hear of stories like the one Craig related above. Now I can feel only sorrow and an aching hope that this man will have the courage and strength to do the right thing; that he will return to receive restoration and healing from our God of grace.