Reality nibbles
Recently, one of my friends received a special gift from her boyfriend: a pair of diamond earrings.
If you knew both of them, you'd know that this is a sign of his commitment to her. I watched my friend's excitement, sharing in her joy... and I squashed the niggling little voice that said, You might never know what it is to feel that way.
Last night, another friend called to say his wife is expecting a baby. What exciting news! I couldn't stop grinning; you would too, if you knew them... and I squashed the niggling little voice that said, You might never know what it is to feel that way.
It's kinda hard to be confronted with the experiences I'll miss if I end up being single for life. Having told God that I'm willing to stay single if He wishes me to is one thing, but living with the reality of the decision is quite another.
Yet I'm not sorry. And I wasn't envious of either friend. I just know that if it's the path God wants me to take, I'll take it, because there is no better place to be than in the centre of His will.
I'm amazed I'm taking this as calmly as I am - me, the girl who always wanted to fall in love, get married, and have babies. That I might not ever know what it is to feel another life growing inside me - to hold a small, soft body against my breast - to see young eyes open wide at the wonders of the world - yes, there is a sense of loss, of standing here and watching something float away. But there are no protests, no pain, no real sadness, even.
Contentment has been hard-won. I never quite believed I'd reach this place of being content in my single state.
I just hope nothing happens to make me eat my words! :D