Then and now
My cupboard didn't arrive!!!
They said they'd deliver it at noon and I waited and waited. Nothing. At 5:30pm I called the furniture shop and the lady was horrified. "What, you mean you haven't gotten your cupboard yet?!" Nope...
She checked, then returned my call. Turns out the lorry broke down or something, and nobody bothered to inform her. So now my cupboard's only gonna come on Monday. :(
I was so excited, it's such a let-down. Madelyn, my housemate, helped me to shift my furniture around this morning, when I finally decided where the cupboard should go. She gave me pointers, too. Maddy has an eye for decorating and making a place look like home. :)
When I was waiting for the deliverymen, my friends told me, "These transportation people are always late. It's a fact." Made me think of how I myself seem to be always late, these days.
Malaysians have what we call "Malaysian rubber time". It's a running joke that if you say "8pm", everybody will arrive half-an-hour later, at 8:30pm.
Now, I never subscribed to this. I believe(d) in punctuality and made an effort to be early, always. In fact, it was a point of pride with me. I prided myself upon it. It demonstrated my personal integrity that when I said I'd be there at 8pm, I'd be there at 8pm. My word was my bond. I could be trusted.
But I was forever having to wait for others. I was often frustrated. I felt like I wasn't important enough for them to make the effort to be on time. Come on, they KNEW my stand on punctuality. They KNEW that if I said I'd be there at a certain time, I'd be there at that time. And yet they didn't care enough to make sure they'd be there too. It irritated me. Offended me. (Notice that it's all about me??)
At which point I changed, I really don't know. But somewhere along the line, I started to subscribe to the saying, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em". And so I stopped caring about punctuality. I figured if nobody could be bothered to be on time, I wouldn't bother either. If they can make me wait, I can make other people wait also. What's the point of trying to be punctual? Nobody does it anyway, and it's not even expected anymore! (Notice that it's still all about me...)
Well, I look at the person I've become and I'm none too happy with her. O, how the mighty have fallen! I now have nothing to pride myself upon in this area. When I say I'll be there at 8pm, by the time 8pm rolls around I'm more often than not just stepping out of my house. Then I call my friend and say I'm on the way, I've been delayed. Sometimes I give a lame excuse. *wince*
And this "couldn't care less" attitude has permeated my whole life. I miss deadlines at work. (Ouch.) I'm messy. (Have already been into all that in great detail.) I procrastinate all the time, telling myself it's OK, I can do it "another day".
I'm no longer as good as my word, which means my word is practically worthless. That's terrible. I feel like I've lost my integrity. If I can't respect myself, how can others respect me? Worse, this is not how God wants me to be.
Discipline, discipline, discipline...