The Wilful Sunflower

Gary Chapman's "love languages" books are famous. I haven't read any of them, though. (Leigh says, "For a bibliophile, you certainly don't read any of the right books!" *grin*)

But today I was in the Christian bookstore just down the road from my office, and The Love Languages of God caught my eye. The jacket says, "The love languages in human relationships are a reflection of divine love. If man is indeed made in the image of God, then we would expect to find all five love languages (and more!) expresed in the character and nature of God."

That made me curious, because I was pretty sure I remembered "physical touch" as one of the love languages. And how would God, who's Spirit, be able to touch me physically?

This issue has nagged me for a long time. God is invisible and intangible; how do I relate to Him as a real person? I read Philip Yancey's Reaching for the Invisible God, and was disappointed. Yancey waxes philosophical throughout the whole book, quoting thinkers such as Sen Kierkegaard; I found the book "up in the air", so to speak. Too much theorising and philosophisising, offering no comfort or practical help to me.

I want to know God; I want to have an intimate personal relationship with Him. I want to experience Him. But how? How do I do these things? Sometimes I read the Bible and a verse seems to jump out at me, and I know He's speaking to me. But sometimes I read the same passage three times over, slowly, willing myself to see something in between its lines, and nothing comes. Nothing.

It's not about faith. I know He's with me, and throughout the day the knowledge that He's there hovers at the back of my mind. He's there, but I can't see Him, touch Him, smell Him (don't laugh. We identify smells with people; for example, a certain cologne never fails to bring a colleague of mine to mind) and, most of the time, I can't hear Him, either. And so it has always been a struggle to see God as a REAL person who wants to relate to me, not some metaphysical being glaring down at me from heaven, waiting to zap me into oblivion the moment I commit a sin.

I flipped Gary Chapman's book to the chapter entitled "God Speaks Love Language #5: Physical Touch". There was an account of a man who had been smoking since he was 13. He had tried to quit many times without success. One night, as he was on his bicycle:

I looked down at my cigarette and prayed, "God, if You really exist, then take these cigarettes away from me." Immediately, it was like a huge hand came out of nowhere, slapped my hand, and my cigarette was gone.

I stopped my bicycle, and it was like the arms of God wrapped around me. I felt His presence. I wept. I knew that not only did God exist but that God loved me. From that day I have been a follower of Jesus. He spoke my love language.

He touched me, and He still touches me. Not always, but often when I'm praying and singing, I can feel His presence. I know that God is a spirit, but when His Spirit touches my spirit, I feel it in my body. That is when I feel closest to God.

I've figured out that my primary love language is physical touch, which is tough coz my family is not a huggy family. Typically Asian, we hardly ever talk about our feelings, or make any demonstrations of affection towards each other. If any one of us gets "emotional", the others feel awkward. I can't remember the last time Mom or Dad hugged me.

Chapman writes, "People whose primary love language is physical touch often speak of 'feeling the presence of God'." Well, I feel His presence. I love to worship and praise Him in song, and usually will feel a tingling in my hands that lets me know His presence is there with me.

I haven't had any dramatic experiences with Him, though. I've read of people being overwhelmed by God's love, experiencing a very tangible touch (for lack of a better word), but it has never happened to me.

And I want so much to FEEL Him. People keep on telling me not to rely on my feelings because they're transcient; here today, gone tomorrow. Yes, I know I am supposed to rely on the Word of God, which is Truth. If He says He's with me, then He's with me. And I agree. I told you it isn't a faith issue.

It's just that it would be nice to be able to feel that "overwhelming love" enveloping me. I'm not relying on my emotions, I just wish they'd back up what I know and believe. If what everyone says is true and I should just ignore them, then why on earth did God make me with feelings anyway?