So I went to church this morning
This morning, I went to a church called Soulcare Church. I thought the name was quite appropriate!
The pastor is a friend of mine, someone I originally met over the Internet(!). I've always seen him as a sort of "on-line counsellor", since our correspondence generally consists of me writing these really looooong emails about my life (if you're reading my blog, I'm sure you have no difficulties envisioning the length of my emails, hahaa!) and him replying with very concise, thought-provoking questions or succinct words of advice. *grin*
I've met him before and been to two meetings at his house, and he knows about the contretemps with my former church. In fact, he gave me excellent advice when I was worrying over what to do. Then, of course, I had to blog about it and... you know what happened next. (If you don't, read the previous entries in here! :P )
Well, I hadn't been feeling particularly enthusiastic about this Sunday, because I had nowhere to go. The thought of walking all alone into a church building, and later having to introduce myself and say, "I'm new here" (because if I didn't, I'd just come and go and I'd never get to know anyone in the church, never be able to gauge if I could be a part of it) the thought of telling them that I'm looking for a church, and seeing their eyes light up with zealousness as they persuade me to consider joining theirs, and invite me to a cell group later in the week and all that jazz frankly, just thinking of all this made me feel so TIRED!
I emailed my pastor friend telling him this. He read my email late last night, and immediately sent me a text message on my mobile phone: "Just read your email. You are welcome to join me and the gang tomorrow. We start at 10:30am. We've no cell group, so no one'll ask you to join it! :) And you are not a stranger here."
He will ever know what a difference that message made to me. I knew that his is a small church, meeting in his home. The thought that I would not only be welcomed, but that I wouldn't be among strangers was what clinched the matter for me.
So I went, and guess what? I took a wrong turning and ended up slightly late. By the time I got there, the service had already started. And I cried throughout the entire worship time!!!!
I had no idea why I was crying. It had nothing to do with the songs we were singing. I just felt so broken inside and I cried and cried and cried! But I've realised something: the cloud of sadness and depression that has been hovering over me the entire week has lifted. I don't feel that oppression anymore. Praise God!
After the service, we sat around the dining table and had lunch. Then we just lazed around and relaxed, making a little conversation here and there. The pastor's wife made cookies (yum!). It was just so comfortable and undemanding. No expectations. No pressure. No rules. I caught myself thinking, "When was the last time I just sat down and did nothing?" The answer: Probably never!
At about 3pm, we left his home and adjourned to an ice-cream parlour for ice-cream. Then, after more slow, desultory conversation, we finally left and went to our separate homes. The whole day was such a laid-back, relaxing day, so different from the usual go-to-church-have-lunch-with-church-members-after-service-and-then-everybody-go-home thing. I think that helped soothe my aching soul as well. (Wow, that sounds so temperamental and artistic, LOL) No "doing church".
And so that was my Sunday. God indeed works in mysterious ways.