God is not a neurotic parent
I wore a Mr Funny T-shirt to work today (see pic). When I bought the T-shirt, it appealed to my whimsical sense of humour. I'd have bought Miss Funny if they'd had it. Failing that, I settled for Mr Funny.
Unfortunately, I didn't feel at all funny today.
The minute I got into the office, I had a message from one of the sub-editors. The sub (that's what we call them) was doing the page layout and my story had been assigned to that particular page. She told me my story was missing lots of minor details, AND she had cc'd the message both to my immediate superior (youth pages coordinator) and to the Boss (features editor). *sigh*
I made a call and got the info, then put it into the story. Later, at a meeting, my superior commented, "The quality of stories still need some work. You guys need to think outside the box, cover every aspect, ask more questions. Don't have tunnel vision." *wince*
It was not a direct reprimand. In fact, as rebukes go, it was the mildest of the mild; but I am super-sensitive whenever it comes to responsibilities and expectations. Last week, the Boss threw one of my stories out and told my immediate superior to inform me that he was "very disappointed". I hate disappointing or upsetting people, especially those in authority, or those whom I respect and admire. I want them to think equally highly of me. I want to do everything right.
People say, "It's OK to make mistakes," but Dad always gave me the opposite impression. Now that I知 all grown-up, I'm still terrified of making mistakes. I get impatient and frustrated with myself, like I am somehow supposed to know better. As if I, unlike the goodness-knows-how-many-million people on this plant, should have been born perfect. And if I'm at work, every time I make a mistake, I feel like I might be about to lose my job!
When I was in college, the president of the college Christian Fellowship used tell me, "Relax, take it easy." I once asked him why he was always asking me to relax. "You're too hard on yourself," he said. "God isn't so uptight about things. Relax."
Isn't that the truth! We are all on a journey of learning and growing. Often, this journey includes allowing God to heal the scars of the past. We are usually impatient; we get frustrated when we make the same mistakes over and over again. We are disgusted with ourselves for the seeming continued lack of self-control. Innate perfectionists, we are irritated that we cannot overcome immediately. We want God to wave a magic wand and do it now! But that is not the way He works. He works with us tenderly, patiently as we open ourselves to Him.
In Healing for Damaged Emotions, David A. Seamands writes,
- Not only will God and His grace be with you in every step of the healing process, but God will be pleased with you at every step of the process. In the Bible the word grace is always woven into the presence of the Giver of grace. We should never use the word grace as if we were describing some kind of commodity that God dispenses. Grace means a gracious God coming to you. "My grace is sufficient" (II Corinthians 12:9). Not grace but "My grace". One of Paul's favourite phrases was "the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ" (II Corinthians 16:23; Galatians 6:18; Philippians 4:23; I Thessalonians 5:28; II Thessalonians 3:18). Grace is not a commodity but our Lord Himself, coming to us in His graciousness. A loving, gracious God accepts us as we are, offers Himself lovingly to us right here and now, not when we shape up.
God is as pleased with you when you are in this healing process as loving parents are when their child starts learning to walk. Those are exciting days in a home, especially with the first child � the child stumbles, knocks over furniture, may even bend the lamp a bit. But do the parents scold him, tell him how displeased they are because he isn't doing a perfect job? Does Dad shout, "You ought to do better than that, kid"? Does Mother chime in with, "That sure was a stupid step you took. No wonder you fell and hurt yourself"? Do you see how we so often have made God into a neurotic parent? If Jesus were preaching His Sermon on the Mount, He might paraphrase this idea: "If you being evil know how to do that well when teaching your child how to walk, how much more will your Heavenly Father be pleased with every step in your healing process." (See Matthew 7:11.) God will be pleased with you, every step of the way.
Let me suggest a prayer to go along with this, a prescription, to take as often as needed. "Thank You, Lord, that You are healing me according to Your perfect schedule." In this way you turn the process not into another form of irritation for your perfectionism, or anger at your slow progress, but into a prayer of thanksgiving for His graciousness every step of the way.
(I think I have just created a new word, LOL. "Unpleaseable"! *chortles*)