Compromised integrity
Chris wrote to me and blasted me about the fake ad. He said I had played with the guy's feelings, telling an untruth when I (fake) had written to him saying that I was interested in him. Ouch. *sigh* And the worst of it was, he was right. That part disturbed me the most - that it would be a lie. But I consoled myself with the thought that I was only going to send one bogus mail. You see, you can't build anything on a single, 4-line email. If I were him, I would have responded with curiosity and nothing else. And so when the girl didn't write a second time, I wouldn't be hurt, because my feelings were not engaged yet. That's how I justified my actions to myself.
I feel like I compromised my integrity in this situation. And I hate it when that happens.
Chris's email made me feel about as large as an ant and as mature as a 12-year-old. :( I think of Chris as my voice of reason. Every time I go overboard or overreact, you can be sure he'll be there to inject some sanity into the situation! I must learn to think before I act. I'm so impulsive - and I tend to overreact on the spur of the moment. Like when something happens, it'll seem like a major thing and I'll be freaking out all over the place. Then later when I've calmed down and thought about it, it doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore. But by then I've already made a colossal fool of myself by ranting and raving to everybody.
Well, I've pulled both the fake profile AND the genuine profile off the site, and blocked his email. He actually shouldn't even have my email address, coz all mails are on site. We have to log on if we want to read the mail sent by another member. But he wanted to email me (the real Sunflower) directly, so I gave him my email address.
Chris said it sounded like I wanted a reason to justify my decision to stop writing to the guy. "It sounds like you're grasping for an excuse to say goodbye, when you don't need to justify yourself at all. Like I said so many times already - it's a woman's choice. If you find that a person shows interest in you that you do not want, just tell them so. What else can you do? Avoid them? Won't solve the problem. Nowhere is it written that one must justify why one does not like someone else. It is a personal matter, isn't it? So what holds true for someone may not hold true for others. Why waste time trying to prove anything?"
So anyway, that saga's over. Like Chris said, "Learn something from this mistake, and in the future, take the other road." *sigh* I hate being in the wrong. I really hate it.